Breathe
by Kurt's Anatomy
Summary: When Blaine's heart chooses lonely boy Kurt Hummel, his entire life is gambled in a game where the odds of success are not fanciful. Neither are who they appear to be, and they both have secrets to hide that might just be deadly in the game they call life.
1. Story Notes

**Title: **Breathe

**Universe: **Glee, AU

**Pairings: **Kurt Hummel/Blaine Anderson, Tina Cohen-Chang/Mike Chang etc.

**Characters: **Blaine Anderson, Kurt Hummel, Sam Evans, Tina Cohen-Chang, Rose Anderson, William Anderson (OC's for all intents and purposes), Cooper Anderson, Brad Underwood (OC), New Directions (minor), The Jocks (Karofsky, Azimio etc.).

**Warnings: **Right. Here we go. This story is going to be very angsty and heavy-going for the duration. There are lots of triggers to be included, such as violence, self-harm, anorexia, supernatural possession, depression, **character death**, homophobia, coarse language.

Okay, this is going to be quite a rough journey for me as a writer. Each chapter will be bulky and introspective. I will finish this, no matter how long it takes. It might take quite a while, but it'll get done. But bear in mind there are a lot of subjects that will be hard for me to write and they will mentally unzip me. I've thought about abandoning and scrapping the project altogether, but my anticipation took over and now I'm starting it. It'll be heavy-going for both me and you as the writer and readers respectively.

Please be patient. As a new year of college approaches and I have drama school auditions looming early 2015, I will not have tons of time to write things. My first year grade weren't as good as I had hoped, so I have extra work to do. Anyway, I'll try and write as much as I can for you guys, but there is no schedule and no promises as to when I'll update. They will probably sporadic, depending on how heavy the chapter is and how much I have. I have high hopes for this and I hope that it will be worth it. So yeah, please don't rush me. I know you guys want updates, but it's hard for me to actually sit down and put myself through the process. I really try and connect with the characters and think about why they might say or do in certain situations, so it takes time_. _Time that I might not necessarily have.

I am writing with the influence of music and I am planning a full soundtrack which I'm posting below. These are songs with influence the storyline and inspire my writing. Some will be mentioned but a lot won't be, but they are instrumental in the writing and planning processes. So enjoy!

**Breathe: The Soundtrack: **

_Falling- The Civil Wars_

_Frozen- Madonna _

_Red Ropes- Nicole Atkins _

_Music of the Night- Phantom of the Opera_

_Tell Mama- The Civil Wars_

_Bang Bang- Jessie J, Ariana Grande and Nicki Minaj_

_All Too Well- Taylor Swift_

_Wanted- Hunter Hayes_

_From This Valley- The Civil Wars_

_Adore You- Miley Cyrus_

_The Violet Hour- The Civil Wars_

_Dauðalogn- Sigur Ros_

_Echo- Jason Walker_

_Worry About You- 2AM Club_

_Chandelier- Sia_

_Give You What You Like- Avril Lavigne_

_Honeymoon Avenue- Ariana Grande_

_Best Mistake- Ariana Grande _

_Wonderland- Natalia Kills _

_My Immortal- Evanescence_

_People Are Strange- The Doors_

_Who You Are- Jessie J_

_Poison and Wine- The Civil Wars_

_Haunted (Acoustic)- Taylor Swift_

_Defying Gravity (Kurt Solo)- Glee Cast_

_Cough Syrup- Glee Cast_

**Read on. If you're easily triggered/influenced, then I'm afraid this story is not for you. Feel free to read my more easygoing fanfiction! But for those are you continuing, enjoy! :)**


	2. Sowing The Seeds Of Sorrow

Breathe

**When Blaine's heart chooses lonely boy Kurt Hummel, his entire life is gambled in a game where the odds of success are not fanciful. Neither are who they appear to be, and they both have secrets to hide that might just be deadly in the game they call life.**

* * *

_Fire_.

Blaine swears he can sense the stench lingering fervently in the atmosphere every time he escapes the vicious clutches of his nightmares and wakens to face another day playing pretend. It's not exactly easy for Blaine; being something that he is not takes its toll on his personality. There are some days where Blaine has himself convinced that he is who he pretends to be. The cruel, hateful rich boy with more money than conscience. That foul boy who preys on the misery of others. Schadenfreude, that's the word Blaine thinks of, the repressed side of him popping up every now and then with a musical theatre reference that he has worked so hard to forget about. Blaine is not that person anymore. He is not the boy who people take for granted. He is not the boy who is constantly ostracised for his "choices" in life. Blaine shudders whenever he hears that phrase.

_Well you chose to be gay. _

_Chose. _They act like it's the Game of Life or something. Blaine can't help but chuckle darkly at the thought of choosing to be gay. Nobody would choose such a lifestyle, knowing the consequences. The talks, the rumours, the _hate_. It's enough to make anybody angry at the world. And piled on top of everything else that Blaine has had to deal with, it's the wonderfully haunting cherry on a sarcastically sweet cake.

"_Haven't you seen me sleepwalking? Cause I've been holding your hand." _

Blaine jumps as his cell phone buzzes, blaring the ringtone of one of his latest obsession, _The Civil Wars_. Their soothing tones and entrancing melodies were enough to encapsulate Blaine into their sound. After downloading everything they put out into the world, Blaine cocooned himself away from the world and drowned in their rich vocals. It was some much needed musical therapy.

Blaine checks the Caller ID and pauses. Eyebrows snapping together, Blaine flinches as he reads it again, somewhat ignoring the music playing out.

_Cooper Anderson_.

"Cooper?" Blaine almost snaps into the receiver, displeased with his brother suddenly contacting him after months of isolation in God knows where.

"_Hey, Squirt_." Cooper replies, but it's spoken with less enthusiasm and brotherly affection than usual. After everything that happened between them, it's only fitting that the reparation in their bond be slow and tentative. Blaine refrains from rolling his eyes at the nickname. It brings him back to time when nothing was steady, when all of Blaine's life was up in the air, ready to be brought down to the ground again, the only variables being _when_ and _how much damage would be caused_. Blaine's mind flips and flashbacks of _that night_ ripple around his brain.

_Blood covering his hands like a glove. Screams reverberating into the night. The crying voice of his mother echoing in his ears like a deadly melody that was not welcome. _

Shaking his head, Blaine snaps suddenly out of his uninvited reverie, listening to Cooper's steady breathing on the other end, waiting for him to speak. Blaine does not really wish to speak to his brother right now, but knows he owes Cooper points for trying, even if the time gap speaks for itself.

"What's up?" Blaine tries to sound casual, but the vibrato in his voice in a telling sign of his insecurity and anxiety about the phone call. He doesn't want any more reminders of _that night_ and Cooper is a walking one.

"_Uh, I thought I'd tell you now so you're not surprised. I'm…eh; I'm coming back to Lima, brother. Permanently. My…my therapist thinks it's best. LA isn't doing my state of mind any favours and Dr. Rosemont thinks I should be around family. I know I'm not necessarily welcome after everything that happened, but I'm hoping we can try again. A clean slate, if you'll have me." _Cooper manages to reply without hanging up. The older Anderson brother sighs as the hardest words slip from his mouth, like poison dissipating into the air.

Blaine almost drops the phone, the offending item suddenly becoming slippery in his hand. Cooper? Coming back to Lima? Who would that benefit?

"When?" It is all Blaine can utter, too many questions and thoughts swimming around whimsically in his mind. He hears Cooper cough on the other end of the line and pauses.

"_Tomorrow." _

Blaine almost growls. "A better heads up would've been nice."

Cooper sighs again. Blaine can just about hear the remorse that laces his tone, but he's in no fit state to think about forgiving his brother. Blaine slips into a daze once more.

_The blade sunk into the flesh like smoke passing through lungs. There's a booming laugh and a sigh of guilt, but they're both drowned out by the raucous yell of pain that rips through the night air like the blade ripped through the skin. Nobody knows what to do. They're all fixated on the boy on the floor… _

Blaine's memory is cut off by a deep voice.

"_Blaine? I'm sorry for not telling you sooner, but I figured you would try and convince me to stay. I can't be here anymore, Blaine. Surely you understand that." _

Blaine can't bite back the choked laugh that tears through his throat. "I stopped attempting to understand you a very long time ago, Cooper. But thanks for the warning." His disdain is evident in his tone and he hangs up promptly, tossing his phone onto his bed.

He feels his nails sharply piercing the vulnerable skin of his palm and breathes deeply. His anger management counsellor had advised him to stop and think about his breathing as "concentrating on your respiratory system and its functions can help distract you from the matter provoking your rage." Blaine had scoffed at that. "_I'm sorry, but I don't want to be a biologist. Breathing isn't going to stop me from being mad as hell!" _Dr. Jefferson had smiled 'understandingly' at that, telling Blaine that it was okay to be angry, but crucial that he learn to rein it in when necessary.

Blaine could do that easily. He did it every single day of his life at school. When his friends surrounded him about their plans for the spring break at Six Flags, Blaine calmed himself, knowing that an outburst would do no good. When his French teacher wanted him to read his essay to the class because of its "je ne sais quoi", Blaine controlled his temper. He loathed Madame Fontaine, but a school wide gossip session about him punching a wall would not be the greatest thing to happen to him.

Strangely, Blaine's anger control is impeccable, but it doesn't prevent him from _feeling_ angry. His perpetual fury is what scares him the most about Cooper's impending return to Lima. The nightmares and visions he could deal with. But looking at his brother every morning, knowing he could easily hurt him, that terrifies him beyond belief.

A nasty, obnoxious buzz penetrates the pregnant silence as Blaine's alarm clock decides to notify him to prepare himself for school. Blaine groans to nobody in particular. It's not that he hates school; it's that he hated pretending. He hates feigning being a calm, put-together person when he's actually a fiery ball of rage just waiting to forcefully implode. He hates his friends, who latched onto him because of his wealth and the social standing of his parents. None of them know about the incident with Cooper and none of them will.

Blaine misses having _friends_. People that he can confide in. He knows that if he _ever_ told Azimio or Karofsky about the ordeal, they would call him a 'fag' and tell him to "get the fuck over it, Anderson." Blaine wanted to get over it, but suspected that he never would. He tries every day, but he never finds the courage or the mental stability to even think about putting himself back together. He's like a jigsaw piece that is missing a few corner pieces. The necessary ones to start the construction of completion. Blaine rather thought that he would never find them.

Blaine's wardrobe is same old, same old. People comment on the sameness of his outfits but, to Blaine, they are the only remotely routine thing in his life. Wearing the same outfits gives him a sense of normality where he can never find it anywhere else. He took up boxing and kickboxing to release his pent up aggression, but neither had done much of anything to relieve him of it. They had temporarily been good spontaneous outlets, but there were not a long term solution to his anger. Dr. Jefferson had suggested finding a person to concentrate on. An anchor. Somebody in life that could sooth him by just touching his arm or muttering '_Blaine'_ into his ear. Blaine was hard pressed to find somebody like that in his life and, to this day, he still hasn't come across somebody who could do that.

Rose and William Anderson aren't around a great deal. Blaine does not exactly resent the fact that his parents aren't home, he relishes the solitude (until he realises how sad and pathetic that sounds and calls up some of his more wild friends for a party). Noah Puckerman was a frequent visitor all throughout freshman year. Then he had joined Glee Club and was subsequently banished from the 'inner circle' of jocks in their class. Finn Hudson had followed suit shortly after until they had realised that the quarterback glued the team together. Blaine had never been a football or basketball player in his life, but the jocks accepted him as one of their own due to his reputation. He was an honorary jock, so to speak.

He hates them, but due to his temporary alliance with them, he fears that he's gained a reputation as being one of them and frankly figures that nobody else would befriend after having and unwillingly maintaining such a status. He knows that the Glee Club are a probability, but something stops him from approaching them. He doesn't want to audition and he knows that they would pressure him if he reached out to them.

He hates the bullying that goes on within McKinley. His jock crowd are the main antagonists and the unpopular, fairly innocent Glee Club are their main victims. Blaine shudders at even the thoughts of the v-word. He's heard it way too much to even begin to stop flinching every time he thinks or hears it. But that's what they are. They are victims of the abuse that transpires within the hallowed halls of the school. Everybody knows the way it is, but nobody comments on it. Not even the faculty have done anything to prevent it happening. Even the more tolerant ones like Mr Schuester sit back and let the caste system have its nasty way and let the kids eat each other alive. Blaine has not once seen Mr Schuester turn a blind eye to the homophobic comments yelled in the hallways. Not to him, of course, but to the Hummel kid.

Blaine doesn't actually _know_ Kurt Hummel, but he basically does. He knows his basic life story. He's gay, flamboyantly at that, sings in Glee Club. He lost his mother when he was eight. He works at his father's tyre shop, _Hummel Tires and Lube_ (which is quite an unfortunate source of slurs for the jocks against poor Kurt). Blaine knows that he is fluent in French, Spanish and German (the jocks were trying to insult him in French class and he prepared a tirade of multilingual insult against them which only a handful of students and teachers could even begin to comprehend). Blaine knows that he has a wide vocabulary and an enviable repertoire of insult to silence the jocks and their hatred, if only momentarily. Blaine had been on the receiving end of such a display only once and he vowed never to irk the boy again rather than face that again. Blaine smirked at some of the insults and he desperately wanted to use them himself one day.

Although he doesn't know Hummel, he feels sympathy for him. Blaine's gay, too, but doesn't experience the rain of hatred that Hummel is exposed to everyday, sheltered by his money and social status. Hummel doesn't have such a luxury. Blaine knows that he has money, and lots of it, but not the recognition that Blaine possesses. Blaine rather thinks the whole system is quite unfair, though is hesitant to vocalise his opinion.

_Cowardice. _

Stripping himself of his bedclothes, Blaine picks an appropriate black polo shirt to wear and hastily throws it on, shaking his head of all thoughts of Kurt Hummel and cowardice, shoving them to the back of his mind in a highly sealed compartment labelled 'Scary Thoughts'. Not that thinking of Kurt was scary, but it brought on the thoughts of cowardice, which were as unwelcome as the noun itself. Shoving some red skinny jeans on, Blaine stops to adjust his striped bowtie and admires his fashion choice in the full-length mirror. _This is nothing compared to Kurt, of course. _Damn it.

Clearly not thinking about Kurt is not working. Blaine's query to himself is _why_ he's so wrapped up in the affairs of Kurt Hummel. Guilt, he supposes, chewing the wall of his cheek. His white belt fastens around his pants and, after one last appraisal, he nods to himself and further prepares himself for the day.

Blaine feels a weird sensation in his gut about the forthcoming day. He feels like something's going to change, but for the life of him, he can't think what it is. He leans against the pristine surface of the sink in his en suite bathroom and looks down. A vision zaps into his head.

_Blaine shuts the door of the bathroom and leans against it, for support mostly. He also wants to be isolated from everything else going on around him, for just a second. A maelstrom of emotions swirls around him, the violent storm raining down dark thoughts and providing him with more fragility than is normal for Blaine. _

_He dashes to the sink, splashing ice cold water onto his skin, each droplet feeling like a small bubble of fear running away from him, with the inability to return. Each bit of fear that escaped was soon replaced by anger and doubt. It was a vicious cycle, one that Blaine has no control over. So he does what he always does. _

_It's almost like there's a soothing voice inside of his head, paralysing all rationality and guiding him towards the razor. There's a moment of scepticism and then he lets it take over him. His motions are controlled by an otherworldly presence. Nothing paranormal, just something that's…not him. His subconscious, he prefers. He's not in control when the shockingly cold edge of the sharp razor ghosts itself tantalisingly over his skin. Blaine inhales the acrid scent of self-loathing and the hand holding the razor slashes and dances across his arm, creating jagged lines that crosshatch each other. Almost like some kind of twisted art. Blaine chuckles darkly._

_Blaine knows that everything about this is fucked up, but he can't seem to stop. It's too…good for him. He finds solace and relief in it. The scarlet staining his arm looks a little too familiar though, and that jars him from his stupor, bringing him back to reality. The harsh sting of his wounds makes him wince, but it's only momentarily. Then he feels balanced. Refreshed even. Like his doubts and fears have washed away down the sinkhole. The spots of red that vilely tarnish the gleaming white perfection of the sink are soon washed away. Blaine looks down at his arm, knowing that he'll have to keep on lying to his friends and tell him that his aunt's cat went rogue again. That's if any of them actually ask, of course. Blaine gets the feeling that nobody has noticed them. Then again, the jocks and cheerleaders aren't really the type to pay attention to any wounds of the skin. They're only bothered about something if it punctures their respective reputations. Other than that, they're blind and clueless. That's the way that Blaine prefers it, though. When nobody ask any questions, he's fine. He can keep believing he's somebody else. He can escape from the life that he stumbled upon without knowing. He can be free of his poison. _

Blaine is cut off from remembering _that_ by the blast of water that blasts his face and the gush of the liquid rolling down his face. He stares at his arm, the faded scars only reminders of his anguish and the pain that he suffered previously and was living with the aftermath of. His reflection catches his eye, like he can see the ghosts and demons that wander the halls of his mind through his eyes. The fact of the matter is that Blaine can't seem to shake it. The feeling that he's not over yet, that something else is lurking on the precipice, just waiting for his arrival. His violently scarred arm is a signal of his scarred past, but he has no eye into the future and no warnings or even any ways to prepare for it. He knows about the near future.

Cooper's reintegration into the family is going to take some time and Blaine isn't even in any rush to speak to him, much less forgive him. There are some wounds that just cannot be healed by the return of one's brother or the multitude of apologies that Cooper would undoubtedly offer upon his return to Lima. Blaine knows that he won't accept them and he can practically hear his parents pleading with him to forgive his older brother. He can already feeling himself twitching and fighting to scoff at their words. They would forgive him, no doubt. As soon as they saw his face, they would accept him and treat him just like they had before.

Blaine, on some level, knows that it is not entirely Cooper's fault. His mental state wasn't at its peak, but Blaine figures that it is not an excuse. He sees it is a shield that Cooper will use to hide behind without accepting the truth of the matter and take full responsibility for his abhorrent actions.

Blaine loves the drive to school. It takes roughly eighteen minutes at an average speed of driving and his car is his solace. It's the one place where he doesn't have to be _something_. He doesn't have to put on the charade and be the person his friends expect him to be and he doesn't have to be the angry, foul-mouthed son that his parents see him as (frankly it's easier that way. That way, they don't question his mood changes of suspect a deeper pain). In his car, he can be Blaine. Just Blaine. The person underneath the hurt. The person he wants to be, if only has somebody to be that person around. Blaine is constantly on the lookout for such a companion, but he's almost given up hope. It's like a fraying thread that has almost snapped completely into two separate, fickle, lengths.

Blaine turns on the radio and soaks up the music blasting from the radio.

_Love is a bird, she needs to fly  
Let all the hurt inside of you die… _

Blaine has a hidden soft spot for Madonna, and that's something he will never admit to anybody in his circle. He doesn't want to be ridiculed for his music choices just like Hummel. Again, his mind is on Hummel.

But _why? _

Blaine's mind reverts back to the last line he heard. He wants to let his hurt die, but he can't find a way. He tried counselling. He tried punching things. He tried journaling. Nothing. Well, he continues to journal, simply because he enjoys it. But he's fed up hearing the bullshit that surrounds it. It's not an enlightening process that heals your wounds. It's simply writing down your pain and reading it back. It's somewhat therapeutic, but doesn't really help much of anything. He had tried writing creatively about something. Poetry was _not_ Blaine's strongest suit, it appeared. He couldn't write fictionally and he couldn't draw. He loves songwriting, though. Underneath Blaine's bed, there is a box of songs that he has written, along with some guitar plectrums.

After many sleepless nights, plagued by vicious nightmares and visions, he decided to go down to the basement, which had fortunately been soundproofed, and strum out some chord progressions on his guitar whilst countless lyrics swirled around like mini hurricanes in his mind. After a plethora of early morning sessions in the basement, Blaine had found himself staring at four songs about himself that were complete with instrumentation. How it had happened he had no idea, but his apparent penchant for songwriting reared its head then and would not surface for a long time.

The drive took Blaine twenty three minutes this time. At last, the McKinley parking lot and the unfavourable aesthetics of the awful building appear into view. Blaine immediately sees the jocks lingering around the dumpster, probably waiting for Hummel to arrive so that they can complete their morning routine by throwing him in. Blaine figures that, by now, Kurt would know better than to use the front entrance. He supposes that it's a matter of principal and that Kurt possesses the courage that Blaine himself is severely lacking. Blaine gives him points for that, but halts his thought process before he gets lost in the enigma that is Kurt Hummel.

His car parks in the lot (flawlessly, thank you very much) and his jock 'friends' wave him over. Reluctantly, he approaches, though he has no idea why he still does so after all these years of not wanting to befriend them.

_Cowardice_, a part of Blaine hisses at him. He wills it away and smiles rather falsely at the jocks. They grin toothily at him, probably proud of their bullying schemes against the "only" gay kid in Lima. They selectively title him so, purposely "forgetting" that Blaine is homosexual also. They choose to ignore it for whatever reason but Blaine doesn't pretend to understand their thought processes never mind their actions.

"Anderson." They greet one-by-one. Blaine exchanges a few half-hearted fist bumps (seriously what an awful display of greeting) with Peters, Mackenzie and Azimio before they start to look behind him. Blaine knows that it's Kurt before he even turns around.

Sure enough, Kurt Hummel steps out of his car and Blaine notices just how breathtaking the boy actually is. He's perfectly attired and his hair is styled to a point where Blaine doubts that there is even a single strand of that silky, soft-looking hair out of Kurt's meticulous positioning. His white Doc Martens are the highlight of this particular outfit. His black skinny jeans make his legs look like they go on for days. His white shirt and grey waistcoat catch Blaine's eye. Such an outfit is not spotted much around Lima and Kurt looks _good_ in it.

Blaine casts a quick glance over the jocks, who look ready to move in on their favourite target, and pre-emptively strikes. Without a second thought, he's taken over to the boy. Blaine's rather thinks that the same presence that guides him during his self-harming misadventures is back to lead him to Kurt. Something about it feels oh so wrong, yet completely natural at the same time. They've barely spoken, besides Kurt's rant of invectives in the hallway, but Blaine presumes that Kurt hates his guts and wishes to see him burn. Blaine has nothing but respect for him and how he holds his head high despite the rampant bullying that surely ruins his day and his life. Maybe it doesn't bother him, he's just that brave.

Brave. That word again. Words like that set Blaine's teeth on edge. He hates not being brave enough to ditch his jock companions and be his own person! _Why can't I be as brave as Kurt? _

Kurt gives Blaine a venomous look and fucking _flinches_ at Blaine's presence popping his personal bubble.

"Hi, Kurt." Blaine smiles shyly. Kurt scowls.

"Look, if you're going to misguide me and slushy me or get your primordial simians to toss me into that abhorrent garbage receptacle which hasn't been cleaned in three months, tell me now so that I can understand your motives for actually coming near me. I mean, we don't like each other well enough to keep up pretence of civility."

His words shock Blaine. _Wow, they've really done a number on his character judgement. Or maybe that's just me. _

"You really think that low of me?" Blaine asks, almost sadly for some reason. He has nothing to expect from Kurt and he shouldn't, really.

"Do I have reason to expect anything else from you? Have you ever treated me with the least bit of respect or courtesy? We both know the answer to that little riddle, so save yourself the surprise, Anderson and kindly tell me what the fuck you're doing." Kurt _demands_. _Wow, he's really had enough of all the jock shit and it's made him irritable. _

Blaine couldn't blame him, personally. If Blaine was him, he would have blown up at the jocks far sooner. Kurt has managed to be relatively calm, considering the circumstances. Blaine would have done far worse without any apologies.

"Kurt, I'm not going to hurt you. I promise. I knew that they were going to throw you in there and your outfit looks good and—." Blaine frowns as Kurt holds up a hand.

"I know what you're up to. You're pretending to get close to me, as the only other gay boy in the school, only to set me up for humiliation and cruelty later on. I'm taking action before this goes any further, Blaine. Stop talking to me."

That makes Blaine angry. He momentarily ignores how good his name sounds in Kurt's high, musical voice and concentrates on what he's feeling in the moment.

"_Look_, Kurt," Blaine says through gritted teeth, in order not to explode. "Don't judge me based on them. I'll admit that I'm a fucking coward. I stay around jerks like that because I'm scared of having nobody else around, okay? I'm not a likeable person and I've assured their company because of my parents. It's not what I want, but I have to have people around or—." Kurt looks pensive, like he's actually sympathetic towards Blaine's cause.

"Or?" He asks shortly.

"Or I'll always be alone." Blaine finishes, crestfallen. "I know that I've said things to you that are inexcusable but you have to know that that is not who I am. I know you're not the façade you put on, either. I respect you, Kurt. But you're not the only one pretending to be stronger than you are." Blaine doesn't realise how much he's telling Kurt about himself, but he can't stop talking. It's like word vomit from_ Mean Girls_.

Kurt's response is halted by the jocks, roaring abuse at them.

"_Hey, Hummel! Quit trying to get with Blaine, he's not a faggot! Go to Scandals and get some action, will you?" _Although they clearly know that Blaine _is_ gay, they're refusing to acknowledge it.

Kurt breathes in and flips them the bird. "You know _what_, Karofsky? It's not like _you're_ getting any action. I've got with more cheerleaders than you. Just ask Brittany and Santana!" Kurt yells back, making Blaine smile. He always loved Kurt's enthusiasm when dishing out insulting words to the jocks, including himself. The jocks laughed at Karofsky, who paled and shoved them around a bit, jokingly. Kurt turns to Blaine.

"Blaine, I appreciate what you're…doing for me, but I'm used to going it alone. I can take care of myself. I don't need your help, I never asked for you to do this for me. Frankly, I'm confused as to why you've waited so long to 'reach out' to me or whatever the hell it is you're doing and it makes me uncomfortable. Goodbye, Blaine." Kurt struts off into the building and Blaine quickly follows, not wanting a confrontation with the jock block just yet.

He hurries up the Kurt, not done yet despite Kurt's rampant protests. "Kurt, don't do this. I know we're not friends, but don't just shut me out like that. Honestly, I don't know what made me talk to you, but I know now that I should've done it earlier. At least let me explain myself. If you want to deflect and ignore me then, fine. Just hear me out." Blaine almost pleads, but he has no idea what is making him so desperate for Kurt's attention. Blaine figures internally that he wants to prove himself as being something other than a coward.

Kurt bites his lip, unsure. "Fine. In here." Kurt drags Blaine into an abandoned English classroom to talk. Kurt perches himself on the desk like a teacher, whilst Blaine remains standing, his posture upright and regal.

"Talk." Kurt mutters.

"Okay, uh, well…Kurt I'm sorry. For everything I've done and for the abuse you get," Blaine is emotionless as he talks. "I should get my fair share, too, I guess because I'm gay as well but they seem to ignore that. They're not my friends, Kurt. A lot of shit has happened in my life and I'm not ready to deal with it so they're like a safety net. They don't give a shit about me, so I don't have to open up to them." He pauses, appraising Kurt for a second. Kurt just looks at him expectantly.

"But the truth is that I'm lonely. Completely so. My home life isn't…the greatest thing to have around me, and I have no real friends. It's horrible. But I guess I've made it that way by being such a damn coward." Blaine was letting himself _feel_ but he didn't mean to express himself as much. Kurt stops him.

"Blaine, please stop. I asked for an explanation and I'm getting a journal entry. I'm not a counsellor. I can't sit here and give you advice about your life. If you have a point, please reach it because I need to meet Tina." Kurt says tightly.

"Yeah, sure, okay. I…you're one of the people I actually respect in this school. You're you and you don't apologise. I thought that you would be a good person to try and connect with. Something that I could be myself around. And, again, I'm not sure what pushed me to talk to you today of all days, but…" Blaine looks at Kurt again. "I'm sorry, this was a mistake. Just forget everything, okay?" Blaine bites his lip and dashes from the classroom, leaving Kurt to ponder what on earth just happened.

Meanwhile, Blaine storms the corridor, mad at himself for even thinking about approaching Kurt when he knew it would just end badly. It always did for him. Everybody eventually revolted against him. Even the ones he calls family. Shaking his head, Blaine pushes his way into the weight room, where he finds that he's not alone.

The entire jock block is there, seeming to have been lying in wait for him, knowing his routine to come in here.

"Anderson." Azimio hisses poisonously. "We were scared you were fucking Hummel in a janitor's closet somewhere right now."

"We don't like what just happened out there, Blaine. And we've decided that you need to punished."

"What—?" Blaine begins, but stops when a wall of ice slams into his face and his body. _A slushy_, Blaine decides in his head. He scrunches his eyes up so the frozen drink doesn't penetrate them.

"See you later, _faggot."_ Blaine almost faints of shock. Nobody has called him that since…

"_HEY, WHERE YA GOING FAGGOT?" The booming voice catches him. Blaine stops in his tracks and turns around, not expecting what he sees. _

"Blaine?" The voice of Sam Evans brings Blaine back to the Earth. Blaine looks at him, feeling the slushy drip down his body and into his underwear. "Come with me." Sam guides him to the boys' bathroom. Blaine and Sam aren't friends, but the former goes because he needs to clean himself up, pronto.

Sam sits him down at the chair that was already situated in the room, probably for the Glee Club to use in emergencies such as Blaine's.

"Why-why are you helping me, Sam?" Blaine asks. "Not that I don't appreciate it, of course."

"Because I know how badly this stings. I know we're not bros or anything, but I couldn't have just left you. That's not who I am." Sam explains. Blaine smiles at his words, knowing that somebody has looked out for him, even if he and Sam aren't friends.

"T-thank you, Sam."

"You're different aren't you? To the jocks, I mean." Sam appraises. Blaine looks up at him, squinting.

"How do you mean?" He's right, but Blaine is inquisitive at his remark.

"You're not truly one of them, are you? You're not a bully. You're a bystander. Don't take this the wrong way, but I think you're scared of not having them around. I've been like that before and it sucks, not being brave enough to find true friends."

Blaine is stunned. "Sam, you've just hit the nail on the head. That's exactly it. They like me for my money and reputation, but not for me. I don't actually have any real friends. Nobody knows me for me."

Sam grins. "Well I'm your friend. You seem like a cool guy, Blaine. I'm going to help you be you. I've heard many things about you, actually not many of them bad. People do like you, but they think that you're like the jocks. Now that you have me, you can start being yourself and _choose_ your friends instead of having them chosen for you by other attributes." Blaine hasn't thought of it like that. He curses softly.

"I-I'm scared, Sam."

"I would be surprised if you weren't. You're doing something brave, there's always fear involved in a decision like that." Blaine decided right there and then that Sam Evans was one of the wisest people he had ever known.

Sam finishes cleaning Blaine off and looks at him sadly. "I'm guessing you don't have a spare change of clothes." Blaine shakes his head. "You'll just have to wait for them to dry, I guess. It'll look like you've pissed yourself for a while, but it's cool. Keep a book there or something. Well I gotta get to Glee Club…"

"Wait, you're in Glee?" Sam nods enthusiastically. Blaine smiles.

"Could you…uh, could you tell Kurt that I'm sorry? I freaked out on him before and I forgot to apologise." Sam frowned but nodded.

"Sure thing. Hey, put your number in my phone." Sam hands him his phone and Blaine taps his digits in, a cautious smile on his face. He has a _friend_ and a very unexpected one at that. "Cool, I'll text you later. I'll tell Kurt for you and let you know what he says, okay?" Blaine nods gratefully.

"Thank you, Sam. For everything." Sam nods curtly and excuses himself, leaving Blaine alone in the bathroom.

Blaine gets a text from Sam at lunchtime. He reads it immediately, knowing that he's talked to Kurt and apologised on his behalf.

_Kurt says it's fine and wants to talk. How you doing? – Sam _

Blaine beams at the response and begins to type one of his own.

_Awesome, thanks Sam! I'm good, nothing since this morning. – Blaine _

It had been true. There had been nothing since that morning with the slushy incident. Blaine had managed to evade the jocks since then as none of them were in his Advanced Placement classes. He had spotted Kurt walking into French, though, but he had to walk past, already late for his own class.

_That's good! BTW I gave Kurt your number, I hope that's okay? He said you wouldn't mind… - Sam _

Blaine could almost read the guilt through the words, but it's okay. It's more than okay, in Blaine's books.

_That's no problem at all, better actually. Thanks for being a friend, bro. – Blaine _

_You're a good guy, Blaine. You shouldn't be left without friends. – Sam _

That touches Blaine's heart and also freezes it a little bit, too. It goes to show that Blaine _doesn't_ have friends. Friends, a simple thing that people learn at elementary school and even earlier than that, but Blaine still can't manage it. _Wow, I'm such a screw up. _

_I'm not. I have you :P – Blaine _

As he sent it, he receives a text from an unknown number.

_Hi. Hoping we can talk sometime? – Kurt Hummel _

Blaine bites his lip. He wants to talk to Kurt, but he doesn't quite know what to say to him. Hurriedly, he types a response.

_Of course. Just let me know when and where is good for you – Blaine Anderson _

He doesn't know why he signs both names, he just does it. The response comes through awfully quickly.

_Let's hope right now before the jocks slushy you. Heads up. – Kurt _

Blaine spins around and catches Karofsky's eye. He's holding a slushy and headed in his direction. Blaine darts around the corner and hides in a Science classroom that has been out of action due to a chemical leak. It's all clear now, but students tend to avoid it nonetheless.

_Thanks! I've already been slushied once today. I'm sorry that they ever did that to you. In the neglected Chem lab if you're free now? – Blaine _

_I know, I just saw you run in there. I'm headed there before they get me too – Kurt _

Not even twenty seconds later, Kurt appears and shuts himself in, locking the door. He looks slightly panicked. Blaine can understand why, it's a good outfit, he didn't want it to be ruined with slushy stains.

"Hi." It's Blaine's short greeting, but it works. Things are awkward between them and they have things to talk about.

"Hi. So, about before…"

"Yeah…I'm sorry for running out on you. It's just that that was the closest I've got to opening up to anybody about anything. It kinda scared me." Blaine chuckles light heartedly.

"Yeah, I get it. I'm the same way. Not even Tina knows much of anything." Kurt looks thoughtful.

"I just hate feeling vulnerable, you know? I've been to counsellor at the request of my mom and I hated it. I don't need some strangers to peer inside my mind and think they know what I'm feeling." Kurt nods.

"Totally. But anyway, I feel guilty about how I acted before. I misjudged you, Blaine. My character judgement was based on those knuckle-dragging mouthbreathers you hang around with. I should know by now to not judge people on the company they keep. So, for what it's worth, I'm sorry." Kurt sighs.

"It's fine, honestly. You were right, actually. I'm no better than them. Just because I don't actively hate, I don't stop them, either. That's possibly worse."

"Hey, don't be so hard on yourself. I'm also sorry for calling you a 'syphilitic, moronic ball of shit'." Blaine chuckled.

"I actually enjoyed hearing that. It was…inventive. I didn't really mind, you looked cute that day." Blaine blurts. Mentally, slapping himself, Blaine tries to think of something else to say.

"Um, thanks, Blaine." Kurt says, blushing slightly.

"I just meant that—."

"Blaine, you don't have to excuse yourself. When have I not looked cute?" He winks playfully, leaving Blaine to remember when they got to that stage. He fails to.

"That's true." Blaine agrees simply.

The conversation is light and simple from then on and it takes the bell ringing for them to remember that they have classes.

As Kurt leaves, Blaine feels his heart pang for him. With a frown, Blaine dismisses it, not realising that he is indeed in love with Kurt Hummel.

* * *

**Author's Note: So, here I am, starting a new project! I'm really excited for this one. It's massively AU and it's chance to really get inside Blaine's head in this universe, which is gravy. So anyway, it's going to be really heavy going from here, which is why it's listed under the Angst genre. It's so angsty and gritty and horrific but yet I'm riveted by the idea of the finished product. Anyway, if you've read the warning sheet before this, you'll know what's coming. That sounds so eerie wow I'm scared hold me please. Review your little hearts out! Thank you for the support, always!  
**


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